I’m glad I kept a journal from when I was younger. But it also upsets me. The thoughts I had from when I was in elementary school are enlightening. One’s own perception of themselves develops at a young age, isn’t that sad?
May 19th, 2004 I was eleven years old when I wrote (original spelling & grammar kept):
“Thanks a lot to J.K. I’m now self concions of my weight because he kept calling fat in pizza things”
Not sure what the pizza things refers to, but I knew what it meant to be self-conscious at this age.
It doesn’t get better. One year later I wrote:
“No one is going to like me, I’m fat and ugly. U-G-L-Y ugly and F-A-T FAT! I’m probably going to marry…. No one. Date… no one. like… no one.”
Those perceptions of myself were unfortunately reinforced by what others were saying around me. Middle school kids are mean. I may be 24 now, and “should” be over the words that were said to me. But, I’m still working on getting over them. How does one get over being called “a piece of blubber?”
So please. With everything that is currently going on, let’s start by being nicer with what is coming out of our mouths. Be careful what you say to one another. Even in a moment of complete frustration, words stick with someone. No matter how many apologies that are said later, in the back of their mind, you said those words in the first place. You said those words in the first place because you knew they were going to hurt.
And that’s what the person will always remember.
To the little girl in Grade Five that lost herself for a while. You’ll come back. You’ll get lost again a few years down the line, but we’ll end up finding our-self again. Don’t you worry.